To all the mothers out there—whether you’re an empty nester, sending your child off for their first day of school, longing to be a mum, or grieving the loss of a child—I see you.
Today, I woke up feeling empty. For years, I’ve dreamed of becoming a mum, clinging to the hope that it might still happen despite being told otherwise. But it hasn’t happened for me, due to various health reasons and an unsuccessful adoption attempt.
There’s an emptiness in my heart that takes different forms. I should be on leave, playing with an adopted child, but I’m not. I feel a physical emptiness after my hysterectomy, a part of my womanhood. There’s also the emotional void, knowing the dream of motherhood remains unfulfilled, and the uncertainty of what to do with this deep longing to care for a child.
I know, in some ways, I am still fortunate, and I’m grateful for the life I have. But there are days when the struggle feels overwhelming. I made the right decisions for my health, to end the pain and suffering caused by endometriosis, adenomyosis, and ovarian cysts and tumours. Yet, the feelings of sadness and emptiness still linger.
I take care of myself, allow time to grieve, and lean on the support around me. But sometimes, the only way to truly express how I feel is by writing it down.
If you’re feeling this way too, please know you are not alone. I feel your pain, understand your struggle, and want you to know that you’re going to be okay. In time, I will be okay too, and together, we can move forward from these darker chapters and find the purpose we’ve been searching for.
Whether you’re a mother without a child or someone with an empty home after your child has flown the nest, it may feel lonely or empty now, but it won’t be forever. These feelings will pass, and there is light ahead.